To Hold You
by Aemy
Summary: Levi is doing his best to show Irvin (Erwin) that he is still desirable after losing his arm. They are in an established relationship. Jean/Armin side pairing... I don't have a great experience in writing, sorry if it's not good. It is originally for snk kink meme, my own prompt, but I think it is going to be a bigger story than I had imagined before.
1. Chapter 1

The number of people who had gathered around the gate to greet the returning Scouting Legion was as ridiculous as always. Levi just stood in the front line with the rest of the members that had not been included in the mission to save Eren and he tried his best not to snap at the comments coming from behind him. There were some guys who had talked shit about Irvin and Legion all this time and he was just waiting for them to go over board to have an excuse to beat them to a bloody pulp, he didn't have to wait for long.

" You know ... I always thought that the Smith guy was nothing but a coward. Have you ever seen him hurt or injured ? No, I bet it's because he's hiding in shadows while the youngsters sacrifice their lives for him." an unpleasant voice said and Levi quickly span around, grabbed the man who had uttered those words by his shirt and raised his fist, ready to strike. Hanji who was standing next to him spoke up without looking at him.

" Don't bother ... just look" she said softly and Levi just stared at the scared man who was in his grip before letting out a questioning hum.

" They are here." Hanji said and Levi frowned in the shakiness of her voice. Slowly he turned his head to look and what he saw got his eyes grew wide before it shadowed over in anger. He yanked the man he was holding onto forward, ignoring the protesting yelp.

" Look you spineless swine" he said dangerously.

" Is that a sacrifice enough for you, or are you not satisfied until his headless body has been brought in front of you ?" he asked and the man's mouth was dropped open and eyes wide as he looked at the commander Irvin Smith who was leading his troops through the gate. He was not only losing an arm, he looked pale and it was obvious he was barely conscious. The man swallowed hard and let out a whimper. Levi was disgusted by the tears that he saw in that bastard's eyes were the tears of horror and fear instead of sorrow.

" Pitiful" he spat out in his face before he let go of the man and let his hand fall down. Hanji glanced at him and she noticed how Levi gritted his teeth and his hand clenched into a fist. She looked toward Irvin and the others again and sighed.

" You should go." she said softly and Levi looked at her.

"What ?" he asked and his face softened a little when he saw her smile sadly.

" He needs you." she said and when Levi looked at Irvin he understood what she meant. The man's remaining hand was visibly losing it's strength and the harness was about to slip from his grip. If that was to happen, Irvin would really fall and that wouldn't be good. Not because it would increase his injury but it would destroy the image the commander stubbornly had decided to paint to people who had now all been silenced by his appearance. By choosing to ride the horse instead of the carriage that usually transported the injured people, Irvin tried to show people that even after his arm had become a titan's snack, he was not broken. Levi could muster only one word to describe him at the moment: idiot

Even though Levi despised being ordered around by the four-eyed bastard, he still obeyed and used his TMD gear to jump in the air and after landing behind Irvin he wrapped his arm around the commander's waist to hold him up just when he was about to slip off his ride. He took the harness into his own hand and stopped the horse. As soon as he did so Mikasa, Eren and Armin appeared on his sides.

" Corporal." Eren said and Levi looked at him.

" Welcome back, brats. Go ahead and get the others treated, I'll get Irvin there in a minute." he said and without any discussion the three of the youngsters signaled the rest of them to follow them leaving Levi and Irvin behind. Levi just sat there holding Irvin and stared down at the people who were still standing there, it was obvious they were shaking in their boots and Levi's face shadowed over in anger again.

"Show is over, cowards." he said with the iciest voice he could muster.

" Hanji !" he said and willed the horse to move forward.

" Right !" Hanji said immediately and ran after him leaving the crowd of people standing behind her.  
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When Irvin opened his eyes he was startled by the familiar face right in front of his. He let out a yelp of surprise and the face grinned.

" Aah ... you are alive !" Hanji said brightly.

" Welcome back, commander. You got us worried for a bit." she said and Irvin just blinked his eyes as she pulled away slowly.

" Hanji ... ?" he croaked out and the woman leaned in again.

" Yeah ! You are safe now, commander. You are going to be alright. Well ... As alright as a man can be with one arm ..." she said and leaned closer even more, touching foreheads and nose with the commander.

" Tell me ... what did it feel like ? What did you feel when your arm was ripped off ? It must have been quite painful... Or was it over so soon you didn't feel a thing ? That titan must have had quite powerful jaws to pull it off so clean ... Did you feel how his teeth sank in ? How did that bite feel like ? Did you feel them pierce your skin and crush the bone or ..." she wanted to continue but she was roughly pulled away by her pony tail.

" Shut the fuck up, you insane four-eyed titan monster ! You are giving me a headache !" the familiar voice said and Irvin couldn't help but smile a little when he realised who that voice belonged to. He felt less relieved when he saw that man glaring down at him while crossing his arms on his chest.

" You let your guard down, bastard" he said and Irvin couldn't help but close his eyes.

" And paid a fitting price for it, apparently." he said and Levi was quiet for a while and then turned to Hanji who just stood there staring at the ceiling with a goofy grin on her face. The Lance Corporal was in no mood to even try to figure out what she was thinking about, instead he grabbed her arm and started to drag her towards the door and once he reached his destination he pushed her outside. He closed the door behind her, locked it and turned to look at Irvin who raised his eyebrow.

" Was that really necessary ?" the commander asked as he slowly started to sit up. Before he could do so Levi was suddenly on his bed on his fours,making sure his "prey" was trapped under him.

" What is it ?" Irvin asked calmly and Levi just stared at him but didn't say a word.

" I'm kind of uncomfortable here." the commander said but Levi ignored him and just kept his eyes on his.

" Come on ... let me sit up ..." Irvin said trying to do just that but Levi just pushed him back down and leaned in for a kiss. For his annoyance and surprise Irvin turned his head away and his lips met with his lover's jaw instead of lips. He pulled away quickly and frowned.

" I almost lost you and you are not even willing to make it up to me by kissing me back ?" he asked.

" I'm tired, Levi ... just ... really tired." Irvin said after a long pause and Levi just stared at the commander's profile and then left the bed without saying a word. Before Irvin could regret his reaction and apologize to the man he was hopelessly in love with, he heard the sound of the door unlocked and then shut with a soft thud. Levi was gone and was apparently now angry with him. With a sigh Irvin turned to look up at the ceiling like Hanji had done before and wondered what kind of answers she was hoping to find while doing so.

Levi just stood there in the hallway and stared at the door he had just closed behind himself. Deep in his thoughts he didn't hear the echoing footsteps coming near him and neither did he notice that he wasn't alone until a surprised voice of one of the brats won his attention.

" Lance Corporal, sir ... May I ask what you are doing ?" was asked from him and he turned to see the boy called Armin standing there, holding a book in his arms. He sighed and rubbed his nape tiredly.

" Nothing special, brat. How about yourself ? Isn't it a bit too late to be wandering around ?" he asked and Armin blushed a little.

" I ... um ... Jean hasn't woken up yet and I thought I'd go and read him a little something before I go to bed. Maybe he needs a little guidance to come back to consciousness, I thought maybe my voice could lead him ..." he trailed off and Levi surprised him by giving him a soft, barely noticeable smile and patting his head.

" Be sure to tell him that if he doesn't wake up soon I will kick his ass." he said and with that he walked away leaving a confused and shocked Armin look after him.

" Yes ... sir ... ?" he said hesitantly to the now empty hallway and stared at the same door Levi had stared at for a while before he remembered that Jean was in a room two doors away from where he was standing and continued his way.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Aah ... What a pain ... this should be cut off immediately but I don't have any kind of equipment for the job. " a voice Irvin recognized as his deseased dear friend's said and he looked up to see that the man was wearing a surgery mask. _

_" Mike ?" he asked softly and the man pulled the mask off and smiled at him. _

" _It's alright, Irvin ... we are going to get you treated as fast as we can." he said and Irvin tried to get up from the operation table he found himself laying on but he felt no strength in his body to do so. _

" _Treated ? What are you talking about ? There's nothing wro..." he was cut off when Mike turned his attention to his assistant and sighed. _

" _Petra, can you go and fetch something we can use as a scalpel ?" he asked and the woman appeared next to Irvin's friend and also pulled off the mask. Irvin felt kind of uneasy seeing the smile on her face. _

" _There is no need, Mike ... I have the right thing right here." she said and for Irvin's great horror she pulled out a chainsaw from behind her back and turned it on._

" _Oh, great ! Let's get started then !" Mike said with a smile and put on his mask before taking the saw from Petra and moving closer to his"patient". The commander swallowed down the glump that had formed in his throat and he let out a shaky breath before he found himself able to talk. _

" _Mike ... whatever you are planning to do, stop. There is no need to cut off anything from me. I'm fine, there's nothing wro..." he wanted to continue but once again he was interrupted, but this time it was the noise from the saw that got louder right when he wanted to say that word. _

_" I don't know what you are talking about, Irvin. You need immediate care or you'll be in trouble and you will never find out if dead people have any regrets or not." he said his eyes shining brightly and his voice sounding amused. _

" _Wha... what ?" the commander asked but all he got for an answer was a soft chuckle. _

" _Petra, pull out his arm and hold it straight, the blade won't go through clean otherwise." he said and Petra inspite of the commander's protests and pathetic attempts to fight her off, did as she was told. Mike chuckled again and after a moment Irvin felt how the blade of the saw cut through his bone ... _

With a loud gasp Irvin pulled himself up from the pillow as if someone had pushed him. He was covered in sweat and he felt sharp pain where his right hand used to be. Briefly he wondered if they had some kind of medicine to soothe it but quickly decided against asking for it. Instead he just gritted his teeth and breathed deeply through his nose until it seemed to subside a little. When it did, it was already morning and Irvin slowly slipped out of his bed to go to the bathroom. Since none of the Scouting Legion members, including the commander, didn't have the luxury of having the private bathroom, Irvin had to exit his room and go to the hallway. He opened his door and was just as surprised to see Eren standing there as Eren seemed to be surprised to see him. The two of them just stared at each other for a while before the younger man snapped out of it and took in his salute position.

" Good morning, commander, sir !" he said and Irvin nodded.

" Morning, Eren. Is everything alright ?" he asked and Eren nodded back.

" Yes, sir. I just ... I came to apologize for my incompentence,sir" he said and Irvin noticed him staring at his bandaged shoulder. After a moment Eren realised that he was being rude and lowered his eyes and bit down on his lower lip. It was obvious that he was trying to hold back the tears of regret and frustration that threatened to appear in the corner of his eyes but failed to do so as he looked up at the man who silently stood in front of him.

" I promise ! I promise that you nor anyone else won't have to save me ever again !" he said with determination and the two of them just stared at each other again until Irvin let out a sigh and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder making him tense up for a second.

" We are at war with titans, Eren. Me losing my arm is nothing to do with your incompentence. It won't do any of as any good if you keep beating yourself up about it." he said closed his eyes to will the reappearing pain to disappear again and let out a deep breaths. He stood there unmoving for a while and Eren grew uneasy and worried as he looked at him.

" S-Sir, are you alright ?" he asked and Irvin opened his eyes half-way to look down at the boy.

" Mm ? Oh, yes ... I am fine. Now excuse me, I need to ..." he trailed off, let go of the titan shifter and without saying anything else he walked past him and walked towards his original destination, bathroom. Eren just stared after him until the commander walked through the door and closed it behind him, he didn't really feel any better about the whole situation at all. As he stood there he suddenly saw Armin coming out of the room where he knew Jean was in.

" So that's where you've been !" he said as he walked towards the blond who was so startled by getting caught by his best friend that he let out a soft screech before turning around and looking at him.

" E-Eren ! What are you doing here ?" he asked and Eren shrugged.

" I just had something to ask from the commander." he lied easily.

" Now, what exactly were you doing in there ? Did you spend the whole night there ?" he asked and Armin blushed slightly.

" It's not like I intended to do that. I was reading this book to Jean and must have fallen asleep at some point ... when I woke up it was already morning." he said looking down and Eren just stared at him for a while and then at the book in his arms that he mentioned. He was surprised when he recognized the slightly abrased covers.

" You are reading him about the outside world ?" he asked softly, feeling slightly annoyed and Armin realising that he might have hurt Eren's feelings somehow now looked up.

" I'm sorry, Eren but this is the only one I thought he might be ..." he wanted to continue but the sudden smile on his friend's face stopped him.

" Don't worry about it, I don't mind." he said and threw his arm around his friend's shoulders, making him gasp in surprise.

" How is the horse-face doing anyway ?" he asked as he slowly led the boy back to their room.

" He is still unconscious, I guess his head got hurt more than we thought." Armin said with a sigh and Eren noticed how worried an miserable he was and it annoyed him even more than the fact that he was forced to share the information from the book with the guy he didn't particulary like. He stopped in the middle of his step and pulled his arm away. Armin who didn't understand what happened also stopped and looked at Eren who just stared back at him for a while.

" Tell me the truth, Armin. What is going on between you and Jean ?" he asked and Armin frowned in confusion.

" I ... I don't know what you mean." he said and Eren also frowned.

" Cut the bullshit ! Are you in love with him or what ?!" he suddenly yelled and Armin's blue eyes grew wide and he just stared at his friend in shock. They just stood there in silence until Eren got impatient and his frown deepened.

" Well ?! Are you ?!" he asked and Armin just continuing staring and then lowered his eyes again.

" I can't believe you would ask me something like this." he said softly and Eren just observed him for a while before he let out a sigh.

" It's not like I'm judging you or anything ... I ... I just would like to know why him. Why would a smart guy like you fall for a ..." he wanted to continue but Armin suddenly raised his head and frowned at him.

" It's nothing like that !" he yelled and Eren just stared at him in shock. Armin blushed for a different reason now, he was embarrased for losing his temper with his best friend. He also let out a sigh and rubbed his brow with his finger.

" I'm not spending time with him because I feel something for him. I just want to help him to recover, that's all I'm interested in." he said and Eren just stared at him for a while.

" Are you sure that's all ?" he asked and Armin nodded.

" Yes." he said and then he stepped closer to his friend and grabbed onto the boys shirt to pull him lower a bit so he could whisper in his ear.

" Look, you are the only one who knows that I like guys rather than girls, even Mikasa doesn't know and I would appreaciate if it would remain like this as long as possible. So please don't jump on me with these kind of accusations or questions in a place where anyone could hear us, okay?" he asked. Eren wanted to say something but was interrupted by someone who had suddenly appeared in the hallway as well.

" I'm afraid it's too late for that." the familiar voice said and both Armin and Eren froze before looking at the man.

" Co... Corporal Levi !" Armin said and after he let go of the titan shifter the both of them saluted the man.

" If the two of you don't hurry you will miss the breakfast." Levi said and when the boys agreed to go and eat he stopped Armin by grabbing onto his shoulder.

" I am sure I don't have to tell you that your little secret is safe with me." he said and Armin nodded.

" No, sir, you don't. Thank you." he said and Levi just nodded back at him and let him follow Eren in peace.

When he opened the door where Irvin was supposed to be in he didn't really expect it to be empty. Not willing to waste time to go out and search for the commander, Levi decided to just sit put and wait for him instead. He looked around and noticed that the room was not as clean as he would like so he started to clean it up and moved to fix the messy bed but froze when he saw how damp the undersheet he started to straighten up was. _Sweat ? Did he have a fever ? _He thought to himself as he pulled his hand away and just stared at the bed until the door opening from behind him pulled him out of his trance. He turned his head to see Irvin who had clearly come from washing himself. When Irvin saw him he froze at the door and the two of them just stared at each other.

" Hi." the commander said after he stepped further inside and closed the door behind himself.

" Hi yourself." Levi said as he straightened himself to his full height and crossed his arms on his chest. Irvin sighed and started to move around the room to look for his clothes since he was wearing only the pants he was sleeping in.

" Give me a moment, I'll be ready for the meeting in a bit. We need to discuss our strategy and ..." he was stopped by the corporal.

" If your stitches were infected, you wouldn't by any chance be stupid enough to hide it, would you ?" he asked and Irvin paused and turned to look at the man.

" What ?" he asked and before he could protest Levi was in front of him and reached out to untie the bandages but Irvin grabbed his wrist.

" There is no need for this. I'm perfectly fine." he said and Levi just glared at him.

" 'Perfectly fine' you say ..." he said softly while pulling his hand free.

" Does that mean your arm is growing back like it would if you were a titan ? Because that's the defination of 'perfectly fine' in my dictionary. And if that's the case don't think I would hesitate to kill you. " he said and Irvin just stared at him and then sighed before he gave up and sat on the chair that was nearby. Levi watched him slowly unwrap the bandage and revealing the short lump that was left of once long and muscular arm and when the man had finished he walked closer to examine. The skin was slightly red but otherwise clean and Levi couldn't help but feel relieved. Irvin observed him while he was observing his wound and then raised his eyebrow.

" Satisfied ?" he asked and Levi was silent for a while.

" 'Satisfied ?' you ask ?" he said softly and then surprised Irvin by slowly pushing him against the back of the chair and sitting into his lap.

" No, I'm not satisfied at all." he said and Irvin gasped and shivered when the man suddenly leaned in and licked his right nipple.

" Wha... what are you doing ?" he asked and Levi smirked at him.

" I think that's quite obvious." he said and continued circling the niple with his tongue and then bit down on it.

" Aah ! Wha ... what's gotten into you ?! Stop !" Irvin gasped but Levi ignored him and moved to lick around the stitches that he had just examined instead. That got the commander angry and he grabbed onto Levi's shoulder with his existing arm and pushed him away.

" I thought I ordered you to stop !" he said with a cold voice as he stared at his lover with a frown on his face. Levi held his head down in defeat and remained silent before he slowly stood up and walked to Irvin's cupboard. After a moment he returned in front of the commander with the shirt and pants that he was usually wearing.

" Lean forward a bit" he said without really looking at Irvin. The man, feeling confused looked up at him questioningly.

" It's no good for you to appear in front of your men half naked. A pathetic cripple as yourself will spend hours before you get dressed so I have no choice but to do this for you." Levi said. Even though Irvin wanted to object and tell him that he could do it on his own, he decided that it was best if he didn't if he valued his life. It was obvious that Levi was angry with him again and he didn't want to make things even worse. So he did what he was told like an obedient little child.

With ease Levi helped his hand and lump through the sleeves and buttoned the shirt slower than he intended. He also helped the man to change his pants and put on his shoes and when he was finished the commander seemed to be in a daze or just deep in his thoughts.

" Done." Levi said as he finished to tie the shoelaces and stood up from his squatting position he had been to do that.

" Yeah ... thank ..." Irvin wanted to continue but the corporal cut him off angrily.

" Fuck you." he said and without saying anything else he marched out of the door, slamming it shut loud enough to make the commander jump in the chair he was still sitting on. He remained sitting until Hanji knocked on his door and let him know that the rest of them were ready for the briefing.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: **__Hello ! Thank you everyone who have read this story so far. You seem to like it and that makes me happy. This chapter is maybe a little bit strange though ... but I hope that not too strange. I don't remember at the moment if Scouting Legion had to write some kind of reports to someone about their missions or not but in this story they do. _

_What an idiot I am._ Armin thought as he splashed cold water over his face couple of times and then gripped the edge of the sink of the bathroom he found himself standing in.

_I embarrased not only myself but Jean as well._ He thought and grabbed onto the sink harder as the memories from the meeting that had ended just few minutes ago came back to him. The briefing itself had gone fine. Commander Irvin had summed up their situation and asked for his opinion for time to time like always. They were just discussing what they would do next when suddenly the door opened and the person they didn't expect to appear in front of them any time soon, walked into the room.

"Sorry I'm late." the boy in question had said with a smirk on his face and Armin still don't know why he acted the way he did but seeing Jean standing there with bandages around his head and other wounds, made him move on an impulse. Before anyone else and himself included had comprehended what he was doing, he had stood up from his seat and practically ran to the taller boy just to hug him in front of everyone. Jean had been too shocked to hug him back, in fact he was just standing there without moving a muscle and let himself be hugged. When Armin finally realised what he was doing he quickly let go of him and ran out of the room without waiting for the discussion about their next move to continue.

_Damn it ! What the hell was I thinking ?!_ He asked himself as he glared in the mirror and after seeing how miserable he looked he let out a soft growl and lowered his head again.

" That is just isn't it ? I wasn't thinking at all." he said and then looked at himself again before letting go of the sink and turning his back to it. Slowly he slipped himself down the wall he was now leaning against until he hit the floor. He pulled his knees under his chin and wrapped his arms around them, sighed and banged his head against the wall gently while cursing at himself. He was sitting there tears starting to roll down his cheeks when he heard the knock on the door.

" Sorry, occupied ..." he said and there was a silence and then a loud sigh was heard.

" Are you still sure that you feel nothing for Jean ?" a familiar voice asked softly but loud enough for Armin to hear and recognize. He sniffed his nose and rubbed his eyes.

" Leave me alone, Eren ... please ... just ... leave me alone." he said miserably resting his head on his knees now. Eren who was standing against the wall his arms crossed and a concern look on his face sighed again and closed his eyes for a second.

" Fine ... I'll let you be for now. But if you need to talk ... you know where to find me." he said, Armin didn't replay and the titan shifter pushed himself away from the door and was about to leave but then he decided that he should let his friend know what was agreed on in the meeting after Armin ran out.

" Commander decided to put a hold on our missions outside the walls for a while." he said and the blond was quiet for a while.

" Yes. I thought he might do that ..." he said and Eren also remained silent for a while.

" The three of them will come to us instead, aren't they ?" he then asked and Armin sighed.

" Who knows ... No matter how hard I try I can't figure out what Bertholdt, Rein..." he wanted to continue but Eren suddenly cut him off.

" Stop ! Stop calling them by their names like they were our friends ! " he yelled angrily, his fists curling into balls. Armin tensed up and let out another sigh.

" What should I call them then ? Monsters ? Traitors ? Murderers ?" he asked and Eren once again paused before answering.

" All three are fine ... just ... don't let me hear their names again, please." he said softly and before Armin could answer he heard Eren's footsteps getting further and further away from him.

_I see ... it's easier for him this way, it's easier for him to fight them once that time comes ..._ he thought to himself. He sat a little while longer on the floor and thinking about things that were bothering him until someone trying to pull open the door brought him back on earth.

" Huh ? Closed ? That's bad ... I really need to go !" Connie's voice was heard and after that a knock on the door.

" Come on now, whoever is in there, hurry up ! I need to go !" Armin's comrade almost whined and the boy couldn't help but chuckle as he stood up slowly and dusted off his clothes.

" Just a minute !" he said, glanced at his reflection on the mirror for the last time, let out a breath and walked to the door. When he opened it and stepped outside Connie immediately rushed in and Armin once again chuckled before he saw who was standing in front of him leaning against the opposite wall.

" I think we need to talk" the boy said sounding a little nervous and Armin just stared at him for a while.

_How long has he been standing here ? Did he hear what Eren and I were talking about ? Did Eren invite him to witness our conversation ?! Why ? Why would he do that ? No ... he wouldn't ... Jean probably didn't see Eren, he must have come here with Connie ..._ were the thoughts that ran through his head before he heard his name been called over and over again and finally he snapped out of it when he felt arms on his shoulders.

" Are you alright ?" Jean asked looking down at him with a look of concern on his face. Armin blushed and pushed him away.

" I'm sorry ! I won't do what I did ever again !" he said and with that ran away, leaving Jean stare after him in confiuson and a bit of disappointment.

Irvin sat at his table pinching the bridge of his nose as he listened Levi reading him the report they had written together about their previous mission. Or rather, since Irvin hadn't had the chance to learn to use his left hand for writing, Levi did it for him. The commander just told him what to put on the paper and what not to. They had worked on it for half an hour or so and they did that in extremely tense atmosphere.

When Irvin had turned to Levi for his help, it was obvious that the smaller man was still angry at him and the commander was afraid that he would say no. Thankfully when Hanji jumped into their conversation and threw her arm around Irvin's shoulders saying that she could do it instead, the corporal surprised him by saying that she was not needed and started to walk towards Irvin's office where he usually did his paperwork. Irvin with an apologetic smile to Hanji followed the corporal feeling relieved because he knew he wasn't going to survive the woman's questioning the second time. He was really thankful to Levi and said as much but the man didn't say anything. Irvin tried to apologize for his earlier reaction but got no response and it seemed that it wasn't accepted.

With a sigh he had finally admitted himself to be defeated and instead of trying to keep on chit-chatting the two of them started to work. Irvin wasn't too sure how long they had been at it but it feeled like hours had passed by. As he sat there trying to focus on Levi's voice, he suddenly felt the familiar pain in his shoulder again. It grew stronger and stronger and Irvin had to clench his jaw and closed his eyes while still pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to will the pain away. Levi who had stopped reading raised his eyes and looked the commander for the first time during the time they had spent together. When he saw that the man was obviously fighting against something he got annoyed and he slammed his hand on the table.

" Oy ! You listening ?!" he asked with a snarl and Irvin who had opened his eyes at the noise lowered his hand and looked at him.

" Yes, of course. Continue please" he said as calmly as he could as he was actually panicing inside because of the pain. Levi just stared at him suspiciously and then surprised Irvin by crawling half-way on the table and observing him closely.

" What are you ..." Irvin started to asked and was cut off like he was cut off a lot lately.

" You're sweating like a pig." Levi said while pulling back and jumping off the table.

" Am I ?" Irvin asked and unconsciously touched his forehead. He cursed himself in his head when he felt that his skin was really unusually moist.

" It must be because of ..." he started to say but was once again cut off.

" Because you are in tremendous pain and you are too stubborn to admit it." Levi who was standing his back to him said and looked at him over his shoulder with his cold eyes.

" Am I right ?" he asked.

" It's nothing to worry about ... I'm fine." he said panting a little because that shoulder really was killing him. He had to use all his strength to keep himself from screaming in front of the man. Levi just stared at him for a while longer before lowering his eyes and letting out a sigh. After a moment of standing there without moving a muscle he suddenly turned around and walked towards his lover. When he had reached behind the chair he suddenly wrapped his arms around Irvin's chest and leaned his head on his left shoulder.

" Levi ... ?" Irvin asked as he was being embraced from behind and Levi sighed into his ear.

" Shut up. If you don't want to go and ask for medicine then at least let me distract you." he said and slipped one of his hand under the shirt through the open collar. He frowned when he felt Irvin immediately tense up but decided to ignore it and slipped his hand further inside and started to nibble on the other man's earlobe gently.

" Please stop." Irvin panted out suddenly and Levi froze and his frown deepened. Irvin Smith begging him to stop ? Something like that doesn't happen too often, never to be exact.

" Why should I ?" he whispered into Irvin's ear without pulling his hand away.

" Because I am ... I am not ready for this." he said and Levi was quiet for a while and then removed his hand and let go of Irvin entirely. He just stood there behind his commander, his lover and let out a bark of unnatural laughter.

" 'Not ready for this?' If I didn't have the memories of all those times we've fucked, I'd think you're a virgin." he said. It didn't seem to be necessary to hold back on taking deep breaths now that Levi knew what was going on with him so Irvin breathed slowly in and out, still trying to will the pain to disappear. After a moment it slowly subsided and he opened his eyes that he had automatically closed to see Levi standing in front of him again.

" I'm ... Let me get used to it. Give me few more days to get used to the fact that I can never hold you with two arms again." he pleaded and Levi just stared at him for a while.

" Irvin Smith I used to know wouldn't have made such a big deal out of this." he said and Irvin just stared back at him.

"Even though I didn't lose my life, I might have lost a little part of that Irvin you used to know." he admitted and Levi was quiet before he let out a 'tch' sound and turned his back to him.

" Do whatever the fuck you like." he said and walked out of the room without letting the commander to apologize. Irvin was once again left to sit alone and he sighed as he let his head rest against the back of the chair.

_Great ... I managed to piss him off again. Just great ..._ he thought to himself and closed his eyes once again. Before he knew the pain disappeared completely and he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: ** A week has passed. Armin has been trying his best to avoid Jean for a week. This chapter is dedicated to those two. The next chapter is going to be dedicated to only Levi and Irvin and it also will be the last chapter of this story. This chapter is probably too out of place compared to the first three chapters, but this is what I kept on seeing in my head. Sorry if it's a failure ...

When Mikasa, Connie and Sasha left from their dinner table, there was an awkward silence between the three of the boys that remained. Seeing how Jean was quite openly staring at Armin and how Armin was stubbornly looking down at his half-empty plate, Eren felt as if he had to say or do something to break that silence. After a moment he stood up with a sigh and Armin looked up at him with surprise and a hint of fear in his eyes.

" Whe-where are you going ?" he asked and Eren just stared at him for a while.

" I'm full. I'm going to meet up with the others." he said as if it was obvious. Armin's smile was out of place and didn't reach his eyes when he also started to stand.

" Okay, I'm coming with you !" he said and Eren placed his hands on the table and leaned over it to look straight into Armin's eyes with determination.

" No, you are staying here and will clear out your business with the horse-face here." he said bluntly and he then stared at Jean who suddenly choked on the sip of tea that he was just having but after his small coughing fit he didn't say anything.

Eren was satisfied that he didn't and turned back to look at Armin who immediately opened his mouth to protest but closed it again when his best send him a glare that screamed at him not to try to get himself out of this. Feeling his cheeks heat up because of the whole embarrasing situation, Armin lowered his eyes instead and also chose to remain quiet. Eren just stared between the two defeated guys and felt a joy of success inside. He didn't let that joy be seen by the other two though, instead he made himself to walk away from them. When he was about to pass by Jean he paused and placed his hand on Jean's shoulder and the boy looked at him, he felt a cold wave run through his spine when he saw the dangerous glow in the titan shifter's eyes.

" Make him cry and I will strangle you in your sleep." he warned in a cold voice that was heard by Jean only. The boy in question wanted to snort and say _I would like to see you try ... _because that's what he was thinking but instead he gulped and nodded in understanding. Eren just stared at him for a while and nodded back before letting go of him and walking away.

When his footsteps had completely faded the two boys sat in a deafening silence again. Jean kept on staring at Armin and Armin pretended to be facinated with his own hands on his lap. When Jean cleared his throat the blond snapped his head up in surprise and his eyes grew wide when he saw that his companion was now sitting exactly where Eren used to sit, across the table from him.

" Jean ... I'm ..." Armin wanted to continue but he was cut off.

" Don't ever say that you will never hug me again." Jean said quickly and then turned his head away to try and hide the blush that appeared on his cheeks. Armin just kept on staring at him for a while in a shock.

" What ... did you just say ?" he asked and Jean was quiet for a while before looking at him.

" It felt nice ... when you hugged me. I ... I don't want you to stop doing that." he said now looking straight into Armin's eyes. The two of them seemed to be mezmerised by each other and they forgot that there were other people around them, until someone yelling insults to someone was heard from the table at the other end of the room. Jean was the first one to snap out of the trance and he immediately straightened himself on his seat and rubbed the back of his head.

" Listen ... do you want to go somewhere more private ?" he asked.

" Just to talk" Jean added quickly when he noticed that Armin looked a bit nervous. Armin considered this for a moment and then nodded.

"Okay, lets." he said as he stood up and already walked towards the exit. Jean slowly followed, letting the blond lead the way. He kept on running his eyes over that petite body and he unconsciously licked his lips when they stopped on Armin's bottom. He was so deep in those haunting fantazies he kept on having ever since he woke up from his small coma, that he didn't realise that the boy had stopped walking until he bumped into him.

" Oops, sorry." he said but Armin didn't move or say anything. He was like a statue standing there, grabbing onto the door's handle that he was just about to open.

" Armin ... ?" he asked and the boy let out a deep shaky breath.

" Say, Jean ... you like Mikasa, right ?" he asked unexpectedly and the other boy frowned in confusion.

" What ?" he asked

" You like her hair, her body, her skills, just the person that she is ... right ?" Armin asked softly and Jean got even more confused.

" I don't understand why ..." he wanted to continue but Armin span around and looked at him with tears in his eyes and he trailed off. Then he remembered the words that Eren had just said to him and he felt that cold shiver running down his spine again. He wasn't really scared of the bastard, but those words were said with such seriousness that they still had affect on him. Looking down at the cute miserable looking boy he smiled softly and for Armin's surprise he wiped those tears away with his finger.

" Let's not talk about this in the hallway, alright ?" he asked softly and Armin blushed and nodded before finally pushing the door open and walking into the room, Jean once again followed and closed the door behind him. When he looked around the room he realized that it was the same room he had opened his eyes in a week ago.

_This brings back memories ... _he thought to himself. He surprised Armin, who was just standing there, again by grabbing onto his hand and leading him towards the bed he had been laying on. He then sat down on it, curling his legs under himself, and asked the blond to do the same. Armin hesitated for a second and then sat down to the other end so they were facing each other. There was a thick silence between them for a while and then Jean sighed.

" I heard a voice of an angel when I was unconscious, you know." he said and Armin looked confused.

" What ?" he asked and Jean opened his eyes that he had closed a second before and smiled.

" I thought that once I'm on the verge of dying I would see Marco ... but instead I was lost in a deep darkness." he said and Armin just kept on staring at him, waiting for him to continue and speak his mind.

" I didn't see anything, I didn't feel anything ... but I did hear the sweetest voice I have ever heard." he said, blushed a little and felt his own heart threatening to jump out of his body, but he was determined to continue.

" A voice that told me about salty water of the sea and the warm sand that would glisten under the sun ..." he said and his smile grew when he saw the recognition in his beautiful blue eyes.

" You ... you really heard that ?" Armin asked softly after a moment and Jean nodded. And then leaned forward and grabbed the blond's hand into his own again. Taking a moment to think what to say next, he absently traced patterns in Armin's palm with his finger and Armin blushed and shivered because of that gentle touch. His heart was also beating faster than ever before and when Jean leaned even closer so they were now face to face, it suddenly stopped for a second and Armin let out a gasp of surprise.

" You saved me, Armin. Twice." Jean said softly and Armin was quiet for a while and then turned his head away.

" You would have done the same for me." he said softly as if it was nothing and Jean was also quiet for a while.

" I would have protect you from the titan, sure ... but I don't think I would have spent my nights trying to bring you back. You may have already noticed that, but I'm not that selfless person." he said and Armin just stared at him for a while and then sighed.

" So you changed the subject because you were selfish, then ?" he asked and Jean suddenly froze.

" Huh ?" he asked stupidly and Armin pulled his hand away and stood up.

" Instead of answering my question about Mikasa, you started to talk about how you confused me with an angel. Was that because you're selfish ? You did it for your protection ? Did you think I would let you off the hook once you've distracted me with your pretty words ?" he asked but got no answers. After a moment he sighed.

" I guess this conversation is over." he said and started to walk towards the exit but Jean suddenly grabbed onto his wrist and stopped him.

" I do." was whispered and Armin felt a stab of pain in his heart.

" I do like her very much. She is everything I like about a woman." Jean confessed as he held his head down and stared at the blanket. There was once again the silence and then Armin started to pull his hand free but Jean grabbed onto him even tighter.

" I've heard enough. Let me go, Jean." Armin said as coldly as he could through the tears that started to roll down his cheeks again and gasped when Jean answered by pulling him back onto the bed and wrapping his arms around his waist. He started to struggle but Jean held him tight and whispered words that made him stop moving and breathing at the same time.

" Wha ... What did you just say ?" he gasped out in a shock. Jean took a deep breath and let it out slowly again.

" I'm in love with you." he said more clearly and when Armin started to trying to get free again he cursed at himself for saying something that he didn't actually intend to say before he found out about the boy's true feelings for him.

_What an idiot I am. It's obvious he doesn't feel the same. _Jean thought to himself as he could practically hear his heart starting to fall apart, it was breaking into thousands of little pieces and it hurt. Because of the pain he slowly unwrapped his arms, freeing Armin who for his surprise remained sitting on the bed instead of trying to leave again.

" How can I believe you ?" Armin asked softly after a moment and Jean raised his head to look at him.

" No ..." he added quickly and looked back at the boy.

" Tell me why should I believe you ?" he asked. Jean was quiet for a while.

" For weeks ... no ... for months I have not been able to stop thinking about you. I have gone through hell trying to keep myself under control every time I see you. I have seen you in my dreams, I have ... I have touched myself while seeing your face behind my closed eyes... But if that all is not proof enough then ..." he paused, grabbed Armin's hand again and placed it on the left side of his chest and held it there. Armin eyes grew wide when he felt the rapid beating of his heart.

" This happens every time I am in the same room with you or even when I have only a small glimpse of the back of your head as you walk by ..." he said and then sighed.

" You might not believe my words but this, this little ticker inside me, it's the most honest part of me. My heart will always be telling the truth." he said and Armin just stared at him for a while and then suddenly bursted out laughing. Confused and more than a bit wounded by that kind of reaction, Jean let go of Armin's hand and made to stand up from the bed this time and this time Armin was the one to stop him by grabbing onto his pants.

" I'm sorry." Armin said softly after he had calmed himself down.

" I just ... I just didn't think I would ever see that kind of a side of you." he said and when Jean glanced at him he smiled softly.

" You are a romantic, I would have never guessed. Mikasa doesn't know what she's missing out on." he said and Jean now blushed and frowned.

" Sh-shut up ..." he mumbled as he turned his head away. He gasped when Armin actually yanked him hard enough by his pants that he was still holding onto, to make Jean lose his balance and fall backwards on the bed. He gasped when Armin suddenly crawled onto him and took Jean's hand into his own and placed it on the left side of his own chest.

" Can you feel it ? The honesty of my heart ?" Armin asked softly and Jean just remained silent for a while enjoying the strong and also rapid pulse under his palm. He then grinned the biggest grin Armin had ever seen on the boy's face.

" Yeah." Jean breathed out and then raised his head a little to capture Armin's lips with his own and they shared their first sweet kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: ** **Firstly I would like to thank you all who have left me your lovely reviews. They really have made my heart sing from happiness. Thank you so much ! 3 **

**Secondly I apologize for taking this long uploading my last chapter, but I must say that this was quite a challenge for me to write. The reason ... well, there were two actually ... Levi and Irvin. They both decided to give me a hard time in the last chapter, I had to think things through more than I usually do and make sure that I won't make them suddenly sound or act too much out of their characters. (but I still think I kind of failed ... ;_;) **

**Thirdly. These events that are going to be described below, are taking place almost exactly at the same time as the things happened with Armin and Jean in the previous chapter. So it's also been a week since the last interaction between Levi and Irvin. **

**And also warning because these facts (past and so on) are all fake ! Because it is a fanfiction story ... why else ? **

**That is all for now ! Let's begin ! **

" What did you just say ?" Irvin asked sounding surprised and Levi just stared at him.

" Let's fuck. " he repeated himself and Irvin's face now fell and he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

" Levi, I thought we agreed you'll give me some time." he said and took a step backwards when Levi took one forward.

" We didn't agree on anything. It was your decision to act like a pathetic untouched virgin. I said you could do whatever you wanted but I never said I would play along with you." he said and Irvin just stared down at him for a while.

" I need more time, Levi." he said and the Lance Corporal's face darkened even more.

" You have had a whole damn week !" he snarled. Irvin just looked at him for a while and then turned his head away without saying anything. Levi just stared at him angrily and then let out a growl.

" Fine ! I don't give a shit anymore !" he yelled and took another step closer and grabbed Irvin by the front of his shirt and pulled him to his level so he could glare straight into those intense gray eyes.

" It's not like you to drown yourself in self-pity but if that's what you've decided to do, if a proud man like you has really fallen so low, then go ahead, bastard. Drown." he hissed and then let go of Irvin and turned his back to him.

" But don't think you'll be pulling me down with you. I told you once I would be knocking on your door until I got sick and tired of you. Right now, I think that time has come. I think it's time we end this thing between us, whatever it was." he said and there was a silence and then Irvin sighed.

" Yes. Maybe that's for the best" he said and the lance corporal curled his fingers into tight fist and clenched his jaw.

" Right" he said after a moment coldly and started to leave but Irvin's words made him freeze.

" Unless you agree to become my life preserver instead." the commander said softly and Levi was quiet for a while.

" Maybe you can save me before I sink too ..." Irvin wanted to finish the sentence with a word 'deep' but his lover cut him off.

" Forget it. I'm done with you." he said icely and with that he marched out of the office, slamming the door shut behind himself. Irvin just stared after him in a shock. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction and answer he was expecting but this wasn't it. He was just standing there and then suddenly slumped on the chair at the table and let out a soft disbelieving bark of laughter. He leaned his head backwards and ran his hand over his face and laughed again.

"God, I've really become rather pathetic in such a short time, haven't I ?" he said and then sighed as he stood up again.

" I can't even recognize myself anymore ..." he sighed and started to walk away when suddenly he remembered the bottle of whiskey Dot Pixis had brought him.

"_Nothing better to numb the pain than good old alcohol, it helps to keep away all those haunting ghosts that indubitably torture you as well."_ he had said when he came to visit Irvin out of courtesy a few days ago and when Irvin opened his mouth to protest, the old man had raised his hand and leaned in closer to him over the table and looked straight into his eyes.

" _Don't try to deny it, young man. These old eyes of mine recognize the tired, guilt and regret filled look in your eyes. I have seen this too many times before. You are having nightmares, am I right ? Of the comrades that have fallen." _he had said and when Irvin didn't answer he smiled sadly and leaned back against the chair just a second before standing up and placing the bottle in front of him. Irvin looked up at him.

" _It's only natural that the damage in your heart is a lot bigger than the damage of your body. One arm or two ... you will never miss them as much as you miss your dare friends who have lost their lives in this doggone war. You have never had the chance to mourn them properly, that's why they appear in your dreams." _he had said and patted the top of the bottle with his hand gently.

"_This might be only a temporary solution but it helps you to survive." _ he had said but Irvin had remained silent and Pixis had decided to just leave without getting any word of gratitude. Now Irvin just stood there for a while and wondered if he should open the bottle or not. After a moment he decided that he needed some comfort and relief it surely was going to offer him, even if it was just for few minutes, he wanted to accept that offer. With a firm hand he grabbed onto the handle of that drawer and pulled it open. He sat back down and placed the bottle in front of himself just to glare at it thoughtfully. He then sighed and stood up again to go and fetch himself a glass from the cupboard.

When he returned a picture that was laying in the open drawer caught his attention and he placed the glass on the table and picked the photo up instead. It was an old photo that he hadn't bothered to look at for years, mostly because it brought back too many memories, both, good and bad ones. On that picture was fifteen young people smiling back at him, and one of them was his younger self. He was standing in the front line of this final group picture the new memebers of scouting legion that year took together. A few steps away from him stood young Mike and between the two of them Hanji who used to be rather different from the Hanji he knows now. She wasn't as cheerful nor as interested in titans as beings. She used to be like him, only out there to kill as many as those monsters as possible. But in time she changed her view on things while he just couldn't, he was still the same but he respected her deeply and thought of her as one of the biggest assets of the legion. And he did whatever he could to support her and give her anything she needed, even if it was a hord of titans to experiment on, he was ready to do so. He knew that her expermiments were necessary for them, for humanity.

And then there was Mike. Man he had known for a long time before joining with the scouting legion. They did it together, swearing each other to fulfill their dreams while standing and fighting side by side. Even though it had unnerved Irvin at first, he finally accepted the fact that Mike thought of him as a leader. He was ready to follow him until the end of time from the very start and that made Irvin feel sad as he watched at his lost friend's face.

" Look, where I led you, Mike. I led you to your death. " he said softly and swallowed hard before slamming the picture on the table and grabbing the bottle again. He opened it, filled half of the glass with whisky and gulped it down with a one go. He enjoyed the burning in his throat, wiped his lips with the back of his hand and filled his glass again. He once again stared at the picture and concentrated on the faces of the other comrades they had lost a long time ago. Twelve smiling faces had been lost during their missions in previous years and some of them just a while ago. The only ones alive from this group were Hanji and him. Only two of them have managed to stay alive for so long and that made Irvin feel miserable.

" I'm sorry, everyone." he said softly, raised his glass and lift it on his lips.

" Cheers." he said and gulped the liquid down once again.

It was around midnight when Levi slowly started to remove his suffocating clothes, intending to leave on only his shorts that he usually slept in when he was alone. He was usually very neat and loved to fold his clothes perfectly before going to bed, this time he was too tired and annoyed to care if his shirt was going to crinkle or not. He threw it over the back of the chair, stepped out of his trousers that he uncharacteristically left laying on the floor and slumped down on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling for a while and then tried to fall asleep. After about an hour of restless tossing and turning, he let out a frustrated sigh and opened his eyes.

" You got to be kidding me. This is just ridiculous !" he said while turning himself on his back again and he threw his arm over his eyes. He had never felt the way he did right now. He never felt bad enough about the words he had said to another person to actually lose his ability to fall asleep.

Even though he didn't want to admit it to himself, he was really worried about Irvin. He hadn't seen him for the rest of the night. He had expected the commander to show up at the dinner table but he never did. He actually had wondered if he should go and check up on him but when Hanji suggested the same thing, he just got angry and with a yell of _" He's a grown man, for fuck's shake! I'm not his babysitter !" _ he had refused and walked away.

On his way to his room he had seen two Armin and Jean entering one of the rooms in the so called 'medical' wing and he felt a sting of pain in his heart. It seemed that the youngsters were doing better than he was. After seeing that he had gone to the bathroom and banged his fist against the wall as soon as he closed the door behind himself.

_Shit ! Shit! Shit ! How pathetic am I, getting jealous of some stupid brats ... _he had thought and when he had calmed down enough, he continued his way to his room.

Another thing that he was really not willing to admit was the fact that he regretted everything he had said to his lover ... well, ex-lover now, apparently. He also regretted the fact that he had actually turned his back on the commander when he asked him for help.

_'Be my life preserver' eh ? _ He thought to himself as he let his arm to fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling once again.

_Is it too late to accept that offer ? _He found himself thinking but quickly pushed that thought further away when he realised that it would mean that he had to apologize. That just wasn't something he was voluntarily going to do, he had too much pride to do that.

With another sigh he turned himself to his side and closed his eyes, attempting to fall asleep again. After a moment it felt as if he could do so but then Petra's displeased face appeared in front of his eyes and he snapped them open again with a gasp. He hadn't seen her for a long time, she only seemed to appear when his conscience wasn't quite clear. It was as if she was scolding him for being an ass beyond her grave, a grave that she never recieved.

" Fine !" Levi growled out angrily, threw the blanket off of himself and raised to sit on the edge of the bed. Covering his face with his hands he just sat there for a while trying to figure out how he should approach Irvin and what he should say.

_Wait a second ... I'm not the one who should apologize. _He said to himself as he straightened his back and uncovered his face.

_He's the one who kept rejecting me when I tried to comfort him. He's the one who's being the real asshole here ! If anything, he should come and apologize to me ! _He thought, rose from the bed and walked to watch out of the window. He wasn't surprised to see Petra's reflection appearing next to his own. It was just his imagination, illusion that his mind sometimes created, but even so she didn't seem to be happy with him. He sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly.

" What do you think I should tell him ?" he asked and the illusion didn't open her mouth but Levi could still hear her voice in his head.

" _Tell him the truth. Tell him that you love him, that's all you need to say." _that voice said and Levi just stared at the woman in shock and frowned when he realised that he couldn't possibly deny the truth behind those words. The reason he was still awake was a proof enough, he had fallen in love with the commander without really noticing it. They had been having sex for months but neither of them said those words, not even once. When Levi raised his eyes to look at Petra's ghost again, he saw her smile before she disappeared. When she was gone he let out a shaky breath and leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window.

" Crap ! How the heck did that happen ? Why ? Why do I feel like I couldn't possibly let him go ?" he asked sounding miserable. He raised his eyes to look into the full moon that had been shining in the cloudless sky for a long time and then sighed again and pulled himself away from the window. He picked up his shirt again, put it on without bothering to button it up and rushed out of his room.

When he entered the room Irvin was supposed to be sleeping in, he saw that it was empty and the bed was neatly made, showing that no one had used it yet. With a frown he immediately went to Irvin's office and froze at the door when he saw that the man was sleeping at the table while using his arm as a pillow. Silently he closed the door and stepped further inside until he was standing in front of the table. He just stared at Irvin for a moment, then noticed the picture under the commander's elbow and slowly pulled it out and looked at it for a while. He then noticed the half-empty bottle on the table, opened it and sniffed it. He grimaced as the rich arome of whisky hit his nose and pulled away, quickly re-corking it.

_Pixis ... that bastard ... I should have searched him through before letting the two of them meet... _he thought to himself and then placed the bottle back down and stared at Irvin once again. The man's sleeping face was more peaceful and relaxed than Levi had ever seen. When they used to sleep in the same bed after a passionate night, he was always the first one to wake up. Something he would never admit out loud, was the fact that before he left the room, he spent minutes just laying there and watching Irvin sleep. And he was once again mezmerized by the sight, but when he realised what he was doing, he shook his head to clear it and frowned.

_What the hell am I ? A lovesick teenager ? _ He asked himself and then shivered in disgust.

_I'm making myself feel sick ... _he thought and then made up his mind and raised his hand to poke Irvin in his cheek with his finger.

" Oy, wake up." he ordered demandingly. When Irvin didn't even flinch he kept on prodding his cheek and increased the pressure of his finger. The man didn't move ! With a sigh he grabbed onto Irvin's shoulder and shook it.

" Oy, you stupid drunkard, wake up !" he once again demanded. He paused when Irvin suddenly let out a sigh.

" I'm sorry." the sleeping man said without opening his eyes.

" I'm sorry, Mike ... I'm sorry." he repeated and Levi's body tensed up and he let his hand fall from the commander's shoulder. He then squatted down on the floor and just stared at Irvin again.

" You are not the one who killed him. You have nothing to apologize for. " he whispered into the commander's ear. And after a moment, as if it was exactly what the man wanted to hear, the man's eyelids fluttered and he slowly opened them to see Levi's face in front of his own.

" Am I dreaming ?" he asked softly and the lance corporal shook his head.

" No." he said and Irvin slowly raised his head from the table and leaned against the back of the chair. He gasped when Levi sat on his lap and practically shoved the bottle of whisky in his face.

" Want to explain this ?" the lance corporal asked coldly and Irvin just stared at the item in his hand and then at Levi.

" Isn't this a thing to do when you get your heart broken ?" he asked and Levi just stared at him for a while and then placed the bottle on the table.

" You are not the only victim here." he said when he looked at Irvin. The commander sighed.

" I never said I was ..." he said and then paused.

" Could you get off me now, please ? You are kind of heavy." he said and frowned when Levi leaned in even closer and just glared a him and then just whispered a 'No' before pressing his lips on his and invading his mouth as soon as he partly opened it in surprise.

He just stood there passivly, letting Levi's tongue move against his until he suddenly couldn't hold himself back anymore and kissed him back. When they pulled away to take a breath, Levi grimaced and just stared at him.

" You taste like shit." he said and Irvin couldn't help but chuckle.

" Pardon me for not being prepared for this sudden attack." he said and then his face fell.

" What was this ? What are you trying to say here ?" he asked and frowned when the lance corporal suddenly watched everywhere except at him.

" Levi ?" he asked when he got no answer and the man in his lap let out a 'tch' before looking at him.

" I thought I was pretty straightforward here." he said and Irvin raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything.

" I want you to fuck me." Levi then said and Irvin sighed.

" Levi ..." he wanted to continue but the lance corporal cut him off.

" I want you to understand that I don't care if you are one arm short ! I don't care if you call a dead man's name in your sleep. I always just want you to fuck me ! I don't want to be neglected like I have been for the past week and half, I want to be wanted !" he said and Irvin just stared at him in a shock.

" Levi ... I ..." he trailed off and his eyes widened.

" Wait, a dead man's name ... ?" he asked and Levi nodded.

" Mike. You were calling out for him, asking his forgiveness." he said and Irvin now closed his eyes briefly and let out a sigh. Levi's face darkened when he saw him smile.

" Cut it out, it's creepy." he said, prodding the man's cheek again and Irvin couldn't help but chuckle again and look at him.

" I love you too, Levi." he then said after a moment of silence and carressed Levi's cheek with the back of his hand. Levi tensed up and just stared at him.

" I never said I loved you." he said and Irvin's hand suddenly fell and so did his face.

" Are you saying, that you don't ?" he asked and Levi just stared at him for a while.

" No. I'm saying nothing." he said and without letting the commander protest, he kissed him again.

**THE END. **

**Author's notes #2: Argh, I'm not happy with this at all ! After taking so long to try and make the ending good, I still failed. ;_; I'm so sorry, I hoped I could do it better, but I couldn't. I try even harder next time ... I'f there even is going to be next time. If there's even going to be next time ... And I'm not sure if I should leave the rating M or not, maybe I should change it to T because it's not as erotic as I first thought it's going to be. **

**Anyway ... Thank you for reading ! **


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